Subtleties of Solitude

We are all different in how we handle being alone. For some, it can be unsettling while for others it is rejuvenating. Or you fall somewhere in between.

What is the difference between being alone and being lonely? I think the former is a definition of a physical state of being while the latter hones in on an emotional state of being. I looked these two words up in my hefty Webster’s dictionary.

Alone adj., 1. separate, apart, or isolated from others: I want to be alone. 2. to the exclusion of all others or all else: One cannot live by bread alone. 3. unique; unequaled; unexcelled: He is alone among his peers in devotion to duty.

Lonely adj., 1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome. 2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.: a lonely exile. 3. lone, solitary; without company; companionless. 4. remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak: a lonely road. 5. standing apart; isolated: a lonely tower.

So, how does this relate to bringing home a new baby?

For many, many new parents, bringing home your baby is an emotional time. We have all heard that expression of new parenthood being a roller coaster. You want to be the best mom/dad and do all the right things for your new baby (be “unique and unrivaled”), but maybe you also want to be alone (“separate, apart”)…for two minutes. You may feel isolated due to circumstances both in and out of your control and this leads to feeling alone (“lonesome”).

The questions and/or struggles you have about your new baby or your own body or your relationship with your partner might make you think you are the only one to be asking these questions — (you’re not) — and therefore feel alone.

How can one combat these paths to loneliness? Enlist support of anyone who can give it to you. Find peer groups of other new parents, who will undoubtedly relate to what you’re feeling and thinking. These efforts can hopefully allow you to turn those moments of being alone into cherished moments of solitude.