Big emotions while pumping.

Is it normal to feel depressed while pumping? Is it the best option for me and my baby if it’s affecting me this poorly?

-Michelle

Dear Michelle,

Don’t we all just want to know that what we’re feeling or experiencing isn’t aberrant or crazy? In this dramatic overnight transition into motherhood, it can be really hard to have any sort of barometer for what might or might not be “normal”. Although it is used with great frequency (I have many, many clients ask me if x or y is “normal”), I do take issue with the term. What it implies is that there is an external bar to measure what you’re experiencing. There are definitely medical instances in which there is a pretty clear framework for healthy and not healthy, safe and dangerous. However, when it gets into an experience you might be having or feelings you are having in early motherhood, things are less cut and dried.

First, some information for you (knowledge is power!): there is something called D-MER. This stands for dysphoric milk ejection reflex. “D-MER, or dysphoric milk ejection reflex, is a condition that affects women who are lactating. It causes you to have intense negative feelings when your milk lets down during a feeding. Research is still ongoing, but there are coping methods available to help.” (Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER): Symptoms & Treatment )

It sounds like this is what you are experiencing when pumping. It is a known and documented experience that can affect women who are lactating. That is the “what”. 

Now I want to address the more nuanced part of your question. Is it the best option for you if it affects you this poorly? It might be helpful to tease this out a little more. What are your feeding goals with your baby? Do those goals trump your emotional health and wellbeing? If you are strongly committed to providing breastmilk, perhaps you can set a timeline for yourself, so that you have an end in sight (i.e. I want to pump until the baby is 5, 8, or 9.1 weeks old). It might be helpful to incorporate some of the coping mechanisms listed in the link from the Cleveland Clinic, sited above: more skin-to-skin time, meditation, distraction during letdown, breath work.). Also, if the overwhelming feelings of depression as a result of pumping are casting a cloud over everything for you, and you’d rather not endure that for any longer than you need to, it is okay to decide to stop pumping.

The biggest message I want to convey on this topic is that you get to decide. The outside opinion of what is “normal” need not apply. Yes, breastmilk is so beneficial for lots of reasons. That is well documented and well supported. Yes, it can offer a sense of pride that you are providing this source for your baby when breastfeeding itself didn’t work; and pumping is a significant commitment that you might not like! Both things can be true here. On top of the latter points, if your emotional wellbeing is depleted in direct correlation to pumping, it is entirely fair to choose not to continue.

You want your baby to be fed and thriving. There are multiple ways to ensure that. In my opinion, it does not need to come at the cost of a new mom’s emotional health. You are allowed to say, “this is affecting me poorly and therefore is not the best option for feeding my baby”.

Disclaimer: I am a certified postpartum doula (DONA International) with 5 years of experience and also a mother of three. This is not medical or psychological advice. Please seek medical and/or psychological care where appropriate.