How can I prepare better for sleepless nights and coping with less sleep?
— Kate
Kate, you have asked the question that everyone thinks about! We all hear about how tired you’re going to be when the baby arrives. At worst, we hear the horror stories from people who might have had an especially fussy baby who didn’t sleep well for a long time. On the flip side, we hear of the miracle babies who apparently “sleep through the night” at an unusually early age. These are the extremes and while likely legit, most people have babies somewhere in the middle.
So. How can you prepare for less sleep? CAN you prepare for less sleep? I don’t recommend that while you’re pregnant you begin a routine of slowly depriving yourself of sleep, obviously! You need your sleep as you’re growing a baby; that isn’t really a sound strategy anyway.
However, your question about “coping with less sleep” is a great one. This hits on the truth of the matter: you are going to be tired because in the early months, your baby has to wake up every two to three hours to feed, which means you/your partner have to wake up every two to three hours, depedning on how you’re feeding your baby. This is some major sleep interruption for both of you and it can really wreak havoc on how your general state.
Can you eliminate the need for a newborn to wake up frequently? No.
Can you strategize to maximize opportunities for sleep through the day, so that the cumulative amount of sleep you get in a 24-hour period is decent? Yes, you sure can.
Penny Simkin, a beloved childbirth educator and advocate in maternal health, talks about treating your sleep as non-negotiable. Penny Simkin, PT | Nurturing Positive Birth Memories Since 1968
She talks about calculating how much sleep you needed, pre-baby, to feel functional. 6 hours? 8 hours? Use that as your benchmark. You might need to get into bed at 7pm. While there will be interruptions between 7pm and 7am, for example, within that 12-hour range, you can aim to get your 6-8 hours cumulatively. It won’t always work perfectly, and this is definitely where communication and strategizing with your partner is really important. General sleep hygiene is also really great to keep in mind; don’t scroll Instagram while you’re trying to get rest. That is not rest!
The way you are feeding your baby is a critical aspect of this particular topic. If you are exclusively breastfeeding, the demand is on you to be up every 2-3 hours. If you can work with your partner, to minimize the need for you to do anything other than wake up and breastfeed the baby, that is the ideal. Your partner can get the baby up, change the diaper and bring baby right to you (incidentally, this is also what overnight postpartum doula visits look like for an exclusively breastfed baby). If you have introduced bottles, started out with bottles, are pumping exclusively or using formula, these are all opportunities to facilitate some decent stretches of sleep for both you and your partner.
One major benefit to lining up the support of a postpartum doula is that we can ensure you have opportunities to rest and perhaps actually sleep (there will be a separate post on this whole topic - sometimes the stress of trying to nap is self-defeating! “Horizontal rest” is very valuable. Take the stress of falling asleep out of the equation.) during our visits. Your brain can be off duty as far as your baby and many times this allows for some decent rest which can be hugely restorative.
The lack of sleep is hard but there are ways to mitigate the adverse effects of it!
Disclaimer: I am a certified postpartum doula (DONA International) with 5+ years of experience and also a mother of three. This is not medical or psychological advice. Please seek medical and/or psychological care where appropriate.