The decision to have another baby.

Hi Cecily! I am trying to decide whether to have a second after a very intense experience the first go round (with PPD and preeclampsia). I am excited but also terrified just thinking about this. Any tips on how to navigate these fears?

-Catherine

Hi Catherine, thanks so much for your question and for sharing your real and lived experience after having your first baby. Your fears in thinking about having another baby are very real and make complete sense; let’s start there. It sounds like your first postpartum experience was very taxing on both your emotional wellbeing and your physical state. And also, it’s apparent that you did get through it. Perhaps this is a good place to start when navigating your fears about having a second baby: were there elements of your experience that felt helpful and supportive even in the face of a really difficult time? Can you zero in on those? Also, with the support of your partner and/or family members, think about where things didn’t go well, and what any contributing/complicating factors were? Are there measures you could put in place, should you decide to have a second baby, that could help counteract a repeat experience?

The challenge with the complication of preeclampsia is that you did nothing to bring that on. It’s a medical event that can occur prenatally or in the postpartum. Preeclampsia - Symptoms & causes - Mayo Clinic However, should you choose to have a second, you (and your medical providers) will be highly attuned to any early signs of preeclampsia. So, that might feel helpful to remember.

As far as the mental health aspect of your first postpartum experience, this is a more nebulous area. Were there parts of your first experience that compounded your mental health struggles? Did you have any preexisting mental health concerns or diagnoses? Were they well-managed and tended to, as you became pregnant and in the postpartum? Were there moments that alleviated the depression or offered some relief? I think that getting clear on these questions could help with outlining a plan for a potential second round and might therefore help lessen some of the trepidation you’re feeling.

As with any big life experience, you don’t know what you don’t know, until you’re going through it and realize you don’t know it! There is only so much you can do to prepare for the postpartum experience, and when it turns out to be a particularly challenging one, that can feel quite discouraging as you consider having another baby. Your fears make absolute sense; consider this though: you have lived experience and critical knowledge now, that you didn’t have before! This will arm you with such important self-knowledge as well as knowledge about the potential postpartum experience ahead of you.

We build new muscles as we add lived experience and this is no different with the postpartum period. Those muscles are there for you now; and you can engage and flex them should you choose to have another baby.