Baby no. 2 on the way?

How can I make sure my toddler does not feel left out when their new sibling is here?

-Sarah

Dear Sarah,

This can be a daunting prospect when growing your family. You know life with your toddler; and they’re your (first) baby, after all! How can you help with the transition once your second child arrives? Depending on the age of your toddler, there will be some variation here. Underneath everything though, your toddler wants to know they are still loved. They want to know their place in the family hasn’t disappeared entirely. It is going to change; there is really no way around that. However, if they feel secure in your love and that is the baseline for building this new version of your family, it is going to be okay.

As best you can, once the new baby arrives, try to maintain some of the rituals and habits that your toddler knows and loves (think morning meal routines, bathtime, bedtime, reading books, watching the neighborhood activity from your window and calling out the color of every mower that passes by…you get the picture!). You might not be able to do them exactly as you have been before baby arrives but if your toddler feels somewhat of a sense of routine and normalcy, this can go a very long way.

Take time to allow your toddler to be curious about the new baby and also be ready that there might not be a magical and instant connection. This floppy new blob can’t do much at all in a toddler’s eyes, except take their parents’ attention away from them. So, you can’t blame a small mind for not being that excited about said blob.

Validation and redirection in that order are two very helpful parental tools, particularly in this scenario! You’ve got this.

Disclaimer: I am a certified postpartum doula (DONA International) with 5+ years of experience and also a mother of three. This is not medical or psychological advice. Please seek medical and/or psychological care where appropriate.